6 Ways to not lose yourself in a relationship.

Feeling lonely? all alone? maybe its the weekend but you don't have any plans for the 3rd weekend in a row, maybe you have a partner but you cant be with them this week either?

Hey there! Its Clare, I had a sudden urge to talk about a topic, I don't hear much about and also something that I relate to. I believe in constantly working on yourself, that can get ugly or amazing or weird , its a spectrum, and definitely there are times where talking about stuffs or just the knowing that there is someone out there who relates to you in even the slightest way can be comforting . so I started typing , and here I am . Lets talk about the loneliness in a relationship and how its not a bad thing rather just a normality which we have to overcome. 

Its very easy to get lost in a relationship or another person, its easy to get so lost in someone that being all by yourself can feel like a punishment.

Are you thinking "Am I weird?", " Is something wrong with me?" or are you getting resentful towards your partner, how could they? How could they not come see me, even though deep down you know the answer.

So hold up are you sayin that you do not have a life outside of your partner's? Well we've got to fix that. Who am I to talk? Well I am you. I am the same person as you guys, probably worse, I'm anxiously attached, codependent girl, that had a hard time finding an identity outside of her boyfriend.

No-one talks about how hard it is at times for girls or even guys, basically for us to be in a loyal relationship for introverts , and sometimes loose yourself into this relationship, that you barely have a life outside of it.

Its sometimes hard to accept that you have created such a life and its not necessary that your partner is the same, they might have a large social group, and have plans that may not include you, but how do we tackle that? How do we get out of our heads? How to get your power back?

1)Learn about your self :

If you are reading this blog that means you are already somewhat self aware of your traits. That's great because now you can understand more about yourself and heal this anxious attachment that you may have.

 Some prompts:

What's casing you to be this way?

Root cause of your anxiousness.

Are you feeling abandoned?

What do you want in this state?

Sit down, grab a journal and answer these questions, answer to yourself!

2)Ground yourself :

I know this sounds cumbersome but grounding yourself at any moment is a beautiful way to get back in touch with the universe, with your soul and it helps you see things more objectively, soothes your mind, brings in some clarity and serenity.

• Ways to ground yourself:

Go on a nature walk , there is literally no substitute for nature, us humans are make to be and connect with different forms of nature, walk barefoot, feel the ground, the grass.

• Meditate: 

Another beautiful practice, for those who just thought "no that doesn't work", "I just cant concentrate", yes its true its hard at first but just start with a 5 min guided meditation.

My personal fav, busy time Spotify meditation is Mindful in Minutes by Kelly Smith, her meditations are so good, and best for when you do not have much time or are just starting out.

3) Get yourself some hobbies:

Definitely sitting all own your own , and staring at the wall or scrolling for  4 hours on your phones will make you depressed and make you question , make you wonder , oh why isn't he calling me ? Where is he? or even overthinking and over imaging scenarios in your head. That's is all counterproductive, get yourself to do something fun, something that interests you, something that brings you in the state of flow.

The concept of state of flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, he talks about how when a person is doing some work which interest him so much that he goes in such a state or flow that he forget his environment anything happening around. 

Its similar to getting so lost while watching  a movie or scrolling Instagram but instead get lost while doing something productive that in turn makes you feel amazing about yourself.

4) Do not take anything personally :

 Its human nature to take things personally. We perceive our surroundings based on how we feel about ourselves or based on our past experience. Let me give you an example, imagine someone just said wow she's got such beautiful, luscious hair, now if you are insecure about your own hair, you may take it personally and think okay so I do not have nice hair and that's why he mentioned it.

According to the book the 4 fundamentals of life, one of the main fundamental is to never take anything personally. Now I'm not saying its easy but its definitely something worth trying .

5) Build up your own social life :

Make your own friend, talk to more people, but not out of resentment that your partner has a social group but rather, because you want to meet new people. Never compromise on your values and morals just to get into a friend group. Just know you are enough. make friends or hangout with people purely because  you like them and their company.

6)Do not take yourself for granted :

Never feel you are unwanted, never assume that you are the one who is not good. Your time is much more valuable than anything, your company is too good to be taken for granted so be frugal.

Try not to spend so much time thinking about your partner, rather just do whatever you want to, get your energy back to your self. Do not be in the needy energy, as it only repels away what you want if you are desperately waiting on it. Let it go. Work on yourself so much that the little insecurities, the insane overthinking, the anxiety doesn't just sneak up on you! 

-LOVE

Clare